I have been a season ticket holder for 26 seasons now and I guess I feel some ownership or entitlement when I go to MY ballpark. Spectators or "fans" should recognize some courtesy rules that allows them to enjoy the game without hindering the enjoyment of others, namely me. Drunken stupidity aside because after you made the mistake of drinking too much you have already stated that you couldn't care less about yourself so why would you be thinking about me and my good time. So for those of you who are conscious here are some standard rules of spectatorship and fandom at the old ball game.....
No waving into the camera while on your cell phone to your mama at home so she can see you on TV. You are a doufus on TV.
No standing and waving to someone somewhere else in the stadium. You are blocking others from, oh I don't know, SEEING THE GAME!
If you come down the wrong aisle to your seats, you must go back up the aisle to the concourse and then back down your own where your seats are. Just because you're an airhead and made that mistake I should not have to get up and miss the action while you cut through because you wanted dipping dots and a churro.
You can cheer as loud as you want. You can even boo if you want, but shouting "your a bum" or " you suck" as loud as you can to a man doing his job while making millions makes you look like a bum and you DO SUCK for giving me a headache.
No smoking means no smoking. If you need to hold your cigarette low by your feet or cup your hand around your mouth so no one sees your cigarette (we smell it), DON'T DO IT!
No smoking while herding out of the game when it is over. Everyone is cramped and not everyone smokes. You mean to tell me you can't wait until you are lawfully away from the stadium to light up. Lightweight! Pussy! Loser! YOU SUCK!
Do not gasp and scream every time the ball is hit. It's a pop-up to the shortstop not a home run! You must be a Cub fan! Try to pretend you know something about baseball.
If you have little children, or even big children, who feel the need to constantly (or ever) kick the seat in front of them or stand and raise their seat up so they can slam it down over and over, STOP THEM from doing it. It is rude and they don't know it but you do. I may be forced to unleash the immense amount of gas building up in me from the polish sausage and nachos I just devoured. Guess where I am going to unleash it.....
Never stop the beer man and stand up and wait to be served so you can pay him when the game is on the line or the star is up to bat or there are "ducks on the pond".
Hey Beerman! Kneel down, please!
Maximum time limit on a pee at any one urinal is one minute. Any longer than that and you should see your doctor for some flomax.
If there is a "celebrity" in the stands, good for them. You should not stand up and point them out for your friends so that they realize that you have been out of job for six months and your favorite TV show host, Jerry Springer, is here.
There are many more and I want you to point them out for me as I am getting tired of this for now. The fact that I get to go to games at my favorite ballpark, to see my favorite team, is part of what makes me "The Luckiest Man in the World".
